We See YOU, ANXIETY
Name it, understand it, manage it, maybe conquer it.
The eternal internal war with anxiety.
BY BRITTANY COLETTE (so far)…
3 MIN. READ | SHARE YOUR STORY
INTRO
That unyielding restlessness – right when you lay down to rest. It’s hard to breathe. You know you need to sleep but your mind won’t quiet. You’re worried about everything – your job, your bills, your family, your health, and each second you lie awake you see the wrecking ball smashing to bits your shrinking hopes to fight it.
it's a wicked beast...it shows it's teeth differently to everyone.
Most mornings you wake up and apart from being exhausted – the storm has past. Others, you wade in the flood waters all day.
That’s anxiety.
But it’s a wicked beast. Like King’s IT – it shows it’s teeth differently to everyone.
Sometimes it’s the above – I can’t sleep. Sometimes I am feeling the weight of the world on me – and all I can do is sleep. Sometimes my nightmares are so horrific that I wake up more tired. Sometimes, it’s all of those all at once, or none at all, and when I finally think I have my footing – the ground moves again beneath me.
That’s the trouble with managing it – how can you fix something that you can’t even name? It blends seamlessly with other quandaries of the mind – your depression, your OCD, your ADD, etc. – it can be a labyrinth so convoluted with your voice, your confidence so buried within, that the mere thought of speaking is behind the barricade. Hidden beneath the angry ivy walls.
An anxious mind and body makes solving the maze seem so impossible, that once you’re wise to it, and recognize it’s presence, it grows right over, and you’re trapped again.
"what makes you think you
have that much control?"
Trapped is an apt word for mine sometimes – where my mind pushes forth a scenario, and say I don’t complete a task, I’m convinced whatever ills befall me are the direct result of not putting the remote back. Yes. At times, it’s really that irrational.
It’s OCD. It’s an angst that makes it physically impossible to move on sometimes. It bleeds into acute perfectionism. It bleeds into my work.
you know, getting by with a little help from your friends.
My friend Bob summed it up perfectly. He says, “what makes you think you have that much control?” Um:
Thanks, Bob. I really don’t. And although my mind can’t help but go there, since I now know the way, I can help it get out. Now that I can name that dread, disquiet, and guilt, I can mitigate it. All I needed was to talk about it a little, in the moment. Nah, you’re not losing it, and it doesn’t have to rule your life. It’s as simple as, you know, getting by with a little help from your friends.
And so, instead of keeping this all bottled-up, it should really be shared. Named. Assuaged. Pacified. For me, that’s talking about it here – if that will work for you too, you are encouraged to share this space. Anonymously, under your name, in whatever capacity that works for you.
So about this anxiety thing...
I imagine this post may end up looking like a bathroom wall. With many iterations of organization and negotiation. Instead of reading the writing on it, perhaps next time, we may have a better chance of recognizing those anxious thoughts, quelling them, and maybe even conquering them.
So about this anxiety thing, I’m fixing to write about it. If you’re afflicted and would like to too, let me know. Fill out the form below or write me an email – you aren’t alone.
Dem 'Hard Times'
BY BRITTANY COLETTE | Sept. 8th 2018
Anxiety is one of my main struggles, it permeates every facet of my workflow, mind, and well-being.
The one thing that never fails to ease my anxiety is singing, and Paramore has been with me in that respect long before I knew why I feel this way. ‘Hard Times’ is a song for everyone whether you’re playing the hero or the saved.
And I decided to do this project with a live recording to stick it to my anxiety. Having less control over my facial features, and still being proud of what I created was new. Backing by @acousticlub.
We see you anxiety, and we’ll sing our way out.
Play Video
We see you, anxiety
☟ WRITE ON THE WALL ☟